I am the very model of a modern Singaporean

I am the very model of a modern Singaporean;
I can choose between a Merc, a Lexus or a DeLorean.
Members are my parents of the Singapore aristocracy
And so I have a slight acquaintance with civics and hypocrisy.
I am a JC graduate that is Raffles Institutional;
I got a fine degree that is lucrative yet vocational,
So they groomed me with a Presidential scholarship;
And proved me with a token Brigadier Generalship
And that is how with the PAP leadership I came to tea
And JBJ, CSJ: thanks for declining there to be…
In matters of observance of rules authoritarian,
I am the very model of a modern Singaporean.

And so I got appointed to a public sector Chairmanship
And go to Barker Road for some shoulder-rubbing fellowship
And now I get a salary that is Super-astronomical
From a GLC with a function more than economical.
All the OB markers are in me ingrained (even those that don’t apply to me)
And I report on anyone whose doubts he does confide in me:
I inform on Singaporeans who are oppositionally effectual
And I read their blogs with interest that is purely intellectual…
I go to JB clubs for pleasures that are frowned upon
In Singapore, where for which the scrap heap I’d end up on…
In matters of freedom and rule authoritarian,
I am the very model of a modern Singaporean.

I know who is in an out and who is just detainable
And which GRC membership will soon become available;
I know the Asian model of government that is consensusorial
And how to lead the nation with benevolence dictatorial
And how the West is so obsessed with its messy demo-craziness
When with a fawn I get by with meritocratic laziness.
I understand equations that are social and political
And how to win elections that are entirely hypocritical.
In short, as long as I am seen as dignified and honourable,
The citizens and residents will be digitally count-on-able.
But in matters of cash and cards and foreign condominium
I am the very model of a modern Singaporean.

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan  ¶ 9:38 am